leaves on grass
text size:  normal   larger
Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.

THOMAS A KEMPIS
The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.

HARRIET BEECHER STOWE

Forgiveness

In order to embrace the next stage in life, it is important to make peace with the past. Everyone carries a burden of negative feelings about the past. Regret, disappointment, confusion, shame are an ever heavier weight as one ages. These along with sadness, grief, and fear develop a life history which if carried without resolution into later life is a block to the potential for healing and full late adulthood. Frequent and intense negative thoughts about the past block positive emotions like contentment and satisfaction. These negative thoughts make finding peace, acceptance and serenity impossible.

Frequent and intense negative thoughts about the past block positive emotions like contentment and satisfaction. Many older adults will surrender into living a half-life in great part because of the weight their past burdens carry. Forgiveness opens the door to reconciliation. One must not be stopped in going forward because all one’s energies are devoted to trying to make up for the past.

Many older adults will surrender into living a half-life in great part because of the weight their past burdens carry. It is too overwhelming to confront the emotions and try to come to a resolution. One can live with pervasive negative thoughts but never truly grieve and honor them. Unless this is done in a conscious manner, it is impossible to let go of them. Forgiveness opens the door to reconciliation.

Emotions like fear and anger evolved in the brain as the first line of defense against life threatening danger. Unfortunately their instinctive place in our cerebral evolution can suppress the broadening and expanding positive emotions. Conscious attention and discipline are necessary to establish a balance of mental and emotional power. When the instinctual emotions of anger and fear arise inappropriately, conscious thought will allow the emergence of a considered reaction. Positive emotions which reduce stress then become a survival mechanism.

Emotions are complex and therefore so are our burdens. It is difficult to maneuver through resentments, hurts and anger, particularly when these emotions have become an integral part of our belief system and life story. It is also sad, but true, that people get a charge from promoting negative emotions in the culture and in others. It is not an accident that the media and popular culture's perspective on life is generally negative. The concept of forgiveness is not visible on a regular basis in our lives. There are few like Nelson Mandelas and Bishop Desmund Tutu. What they understood was that the chains of oppression, tragedy and horror could not be released by vengeance. Rather, acknowledgement of the despicable act by the perpetrator and a conscious choice of forgiveness by the person wronged allow each to be reconciled and to move on in life.

One must not be stopped in going forward because all one's energies are devoted to trying to make up for the past. Whether it is the wrongs done to one or the wrongs one has done, one's life will always fall short in one way or another. To believe you have a future as an older adult it is important to be reconciled to the past that stops one from being fully in the present.

There are many ways to approach forgiveness of self and of others. Act now, because it is not an easy or a quick process. Therapists and spiritual guides can be helpful in this process.