Isolation

Throughout most of life’s crossroads we have someone ahead of us, who is wiser and more experienced, to guide us. There is a haunting absence of this comforting figure in the lives of the old. The fear and the reality of isolation become central experiences from which the old struggle to find meaning.

It is said that this feeling of isolation, emerges at the time one discovers there is no other person exactly like oneself. Therefore, no other can fully understand one’s feelings and needs. It is easy to imagine how this sense of isolation would be exacerbated by the place aging occupies in our culture.

Emotional attachment is the hallmark of human beings. The desire to feel attached to other humans is what drives us forward, but sometimes our attachments don’t succeed and we are left to learn how to survive the disappointment and remain emotionally receptive. This challenge to flexibility is difficult to attain even in our early years.

As we age friends and family die, our contributions to society seem irrelevant, people become less interested in us. As our aging results in increased needs and increased demands on others, a breaking point occurs. The old are taken to nursing homes where paid professionals are responsible for these increased needs. Despite being surrounded by other old people, there is a significant sense of isolation because there is no facilitation of community or sharing among each other. The feeling of being alone can become an unbearable source of emotional pain.

This is, and should, sound both shocking and unacceptable. It is a threat to positive aging. We are not meant to suffer in isolation. Suffering is isolation. Suffering can be significantly reduced if the experience is shared with others who care and show compassion. In the direst of circumstances relief and meaning can be attained and the sense of isolation at least attenuated. Among other things, the old should be allowed to have pets, tend gardens, and play with children.

As we think of aging across the lifespan, the issue of isolation must be addressed early on for it is as much a cultural problem as it is an emotional and philosophical one.