Friendship

A friend is a second self, Aristotle, 384-322 B.C.

Friendship works its miracles on many levels. It saves us from isolation by showing us we are not alone. We see ourselves in our friends as we see them in us. This validates that despite having unique and singular lives, our lives are shared and understood by others.

One of the greatest threats to positive aging is the absence of friendship. Internalized ageism, or the fear of seeing one’s own aging in others, can contribute to making choices that alienate from potential friendship with peers. Many older adults talk about finding it difficult to make new friends after a certain age. That surely is a function of social isolation, but also of psychological resistance.

Friendship is good for the brain and the heart. It forces us to engage our personalities with others and in so doing we learn to accept differences of opinion and to negotiate communication. These activities enhance mental flexibility. We also learn to risk emotional vulnerability through developing caring and nurturing feelings, psychological states associated with happiness and meaning in life.

True friendship brings out the best in human nature: respect, kindness, forgiveness, dependability, trustworthiness, nurturing, intimacy and love. These are essential aspects of the human experience that when absent from life can leave one struggling to find purpose. It is very difficult to lose old friends to death as one ages. The belief that new friendship is possible can be seen as a survival instinct.

Virtually anywhere and everywhere the possibility of friendship can be found. It is a matter of one’s willingness to see relationship in places it may not have been seen before. Just because one is older does not mean one should have only older friends. Quite the contrary. Studies on life satisfaction in old age show intergenerational friendships to be an important means of connecting to ageless aspects of one’s self, and to the world at large. The necessity to take risks to progress in life never stops, even in old age. Therefore, the earlier we learn to value true friendship and work at building intimate friendships, the easier it will be to trust that making new friends later in life is a worthwhile risk.