Dependence

Dependency is an important issue in the life of an older adult. It implies the loss of freedom and autonomy which for most, is taken for granted throughout the younger years of life. The loss of autonomy can be experienced as the increasing limitations that accompany aging and the resultant gradual loss of individual freedoms. Dependency on others for health needs, transportation, manual labor, and companionship becomes a source of anxiety for many elders.

As people age and depend more on the outside world to respond to their needs, feelings of guilt, shame, regret and even anger can emerge. If relationships and the human dynamics of need have been a lifetime source of struggle for an individual, the chances are high that the challenges of dependency will be experienced in an amplified and painful manner. Dealing with the emotions that emerge from dependency and being clear and honest about one is able to do for one's self will affect the relationship one has with family, friends, and caregivers.

Dependency in increasing areas need not unravel an individual's sense of integrity. However, it requires a deliberate, and ideally life-long, examination of relationship and communication. One's experience of dependency is a two-way street. Older people fear dependency because see themselves as being unproductive, a burden, and being treated as a child. They fear losing relationship because of it. If caregivers (be it family or professional) are open to allowing the dignity of the dependent person who attempts to function at the highest level possible, while at the same time experiencing the grief of loss of functions with the older person, a more authentic and less fragile relationship is established. When accepting the increased dependency that often comes with physical age shared feelings can establish bonding.

It is important to note that I am not addressing the dependent personality: the individual who has spent his or her life in dependent relationship dynamics as a way to avoid abandonment and self assertion. This too is an interesting issue for some in later life and is best addressed through the process of self-exploration and self understanding.